Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

A Sunny Disposition?

Today has been spent poolside with a coworker and her two year old son. I blew up floaties and caught my kid about 1,000 times when she jumped over the edge. The other kid and her were so cute, blowing kisses and fighting over toys. Two year olds are so selfish...maybe we are all really two year olds on the inside. She's passed out right now beside me...her hair smells of chlorine and SPF 50...summer. Where the hell did summer go? It's really almost over, isn't it? I just found out I'm going on vacation at the end of the month. I NEED IT. I was thinking as I lay in bed last night, and I was so close to jumping up at 3 am to write about the ironic parallels between my vacation and my life. I'm going to Panama City Beach for three days with some family, other kids, and my own...she has never been to the beach, she will have a blast. Then I'm coming home and leaving the next day for Vegas. That's right, Sin City. Double identities strike again! I'm going from sand castles to male reviews. I'm equally happy with both. Hey, I'll have a good tan for my dresses in Vegas. I went there last year for my twenty first birthday...now THAT is how you do a twenty first. I've been dying to go back. I have work covered for the week, bills paid...all that's left is counting down the days. I'm sure this blogging thing is my newest addiction and I will be posting plenty of pictures of sunny FL and half naked men in Vegas. Summer is waking up.

C'est Moi

So, I'm diving into the world of blogging. I spent a good deal of time trying to think of the perfect blog name, and I feel like this is most appropriate for me. I am a twenty something single Mom trying to find my place in the 'real world'. Where that place may be, ahhh, time will tell. I work in the restaurant business, I have since I was 14, and I really do love it. If you have gone out to eat more than a dozen times in your life, I assure you that some server has made fun of you in the back to their friends. While I have your attention, 20 percent is the acceptable tip for good service..and this is simply calculated...no need to whip out the cell phone with the nifty tip calculator..it can be done with simple math. First number of the bill...double it. For example...$20 bill equals $4 tip. Voila! I work at an Italian restaurant right now....note to you, if you can't pronounce the wine you are ordering, juuuust point to it...don't make me stifle my laughter when you ask for a Merr-lott. I am moving up in my company, I am an office administrator for the store, and I'm a floor manager. Next step is assistant manager, which should be happening any time now. Ultimate goal? My own store in 5-7 years making $100 k easy. I worked my way up from the lowest position to a very high one very quickly. I'm a go getter. I'm good at the things I do. Dad taught me a great work ethic.
My daughter is two, and she scares the crap out of me. I've never really been a 'kid person' but I find myself oohing and ahhing over little new babies and dishing out advice about preventing diaper rash...who am I?? That's the problem. I have a strange schedule with my daughter, I don't really work during the week and I spend it with her. Friday through Monday she is with her Dad, and I am all work. And all twenty two year old. It's the strangest thing, like leading double lives. I'm potty training and play dates during the week and party girl on the weekends...with some very different type of play dates. Should I feel like a bad mother for getting trashed on a Friday night with all my friends playing an enticing game of Circle of Death? That is what twenty two year olds do. I work hard and provide for my daughter by myself, is it wrong to cut loose and have some fun on the weekend? Work hard, play hard, right? Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my daughter, the week is my vacation..where I get to be a kid and build forts in the living room and make bugs out of play doh...but I do relish the time I have to be a twenty something and to be fun and sexy. Is there a fair balance? Diaper creams to one night stands. Interesting.
Dating. Oh, I do a LOT of that. Let's start with THE EX. We will call him Thex. Thex and me were together three years and I was head over heels in love. He was a really good person..had a great job, dreams, ambition. This person died when Thex started working out of town and doing Cocaine while I sat at home flipping through baby books. The funeral for that person took place when I spent three hours, 6 months pregnant, driving around hotels looking for the father of my child who blew hundreds of dollars on a binge. Result? He went to rehab, lost everything...he lives with his parents, at 27, drives their car, and still struggles to rebuild his life. I honestly believe he is better, but I am not naive. Forgive and forget. Bullshit. He is not a bad father, per say...he is great about spending time with her. The financial part...kind of sucks. As in, I pay for everything. I have my own apartment, a career is a great company, and a good life. I kind of pity him. It's been almost two years since me and Thex ended, but after each attempt at failed relationships he has tried, I get a phone call, "We should work this out.."...I am not naive. A few months after the death of Thex and myself, I found the polar opposite of Thex...attentive, caring, sensitive, sweet guy...yeah, after 6 months it was: obsessive, jealous, smothering, and insecure guy. So, the past year has been a string of first dates, a few second dates, a few one night stands, and a lot of flirting. One of my favorite stories is the one who started the date with, "Hey, if I get dinner, can you get the movie?"...this may surprise you, but I am somewhat old fashioned. Now, I know it's 2009.. I KNOW, but the guy should pay for the first date. He should open your door. He should walk you to your door. He should NOT try to kiss you. Anyways, Cheapo was about 7 months ago, and NO LIE, he still txts me to this day, "Hey you, I miss you, let's hang out"...seven months of silence really makes you think I'm interested? I promise you Cheapo, I am NOT playing hard to get! Then there's that guy you reeeeaaally liked, actually held a conversation and made you laugh...and you made the mistake of sleeping with him too soon, and out the window THAT went. Then there's that guy that you met after seven too many red headed sluts at the bar and he was charming and witty...until you wake up in the morning to a snoring disaster of a man in your bed and you silently THANK GOD for the condom wrapper on the floor. Had a few of those! And then there's that really hot guy that you frankly just want to have sex with and you are perfectly fine saying goodbye in the morning, and you have memories to share with your vibrator for the next month...don't tell me you haven't been there. I've always seen myself as a monogamist, but this past year has proven otherwise. So, now, I'm dating a new breed. This one is....good for me I guess?? Okay, we will call him Leo, because he is one. Leo is a straight laced, 8-5 job, would save a cat in a tree kind of guy. He's 6 ft tall, good build, freakin great hair, dresses amazing...and all around a good person. He won't drive after two beers, he takes care of his Mom with MS, he gives homeless men at gas stations cash (okay I hate that), he never snuck out or drank in high school, he's never gotten stupidly drunk on a Sunday and stumbled through work on a Monday. He's well spoken and politically correct...and I'm...not... I don't know what I am. I'm smart and sarcastic...I'm the permanent smirk and he's the glowing grin. He really likes me. My friends love him, they eat him up actually. He opens my door. He didn't kiss me until the fourth date....FOURTH DATE. I was beginning to wonder if he was gay. He's only been with three people...I've been with.......more. I will take that number to the grave. I've even tried to scare him a little bit, push him a little...drinking a little too much and breaking into my apartment pool while my friends were skinny dipping and smoking cigarettes...he thought it was funny. He texts me while he's at work and wants to know how my day is, he always calls when he says he will, and he is always early. Something has to be wrong with him, right? Not because he likes me, I know I'm a great catch...but I have a million faults..where are his? Then I'm worried because he doesn't know Diaper Cream (my mid week alter ego)...he knows fun, sophisticated, flirty Weekend Me. Don't get me wrong, he knows about Kid, I would never hide her, she is a big part of my life. However, I'm quite a different person around her. Only one man has met her....Obsesso...and I feel like I don't want to get her attached to anyone unless it's serious serious. He bought tickets to see a stand up comedian in October that I love...so he is planning ahead. We started dating August 15, so it's going somewhere...and I'm scared! I feel like I'd given up on a real relationship and on the brink of one is odd! I know what you're thinking...did I sleep with Leo? I did. It's adorable. I know a guy would probably cringe and being called adorable in bed, but I can't think of a better adjective. He kisses me the whole time and is so slow and...what's the word...careful. I can tell he hasn't had a lot of women, but again, it's a quality I like about him. He's not slinging me around into weird back breaking positions, but there's room for growth and exploration...I like it! He's safe and dependable...everything I've always said I've wanted..and I'm grateful to have met someone like Leo...but I'm not handing over my heart that easy. I need to see some faults.